Students Ship Them
by Nny11
Summary: Field Day, the one day of the year to let loose. The one day of the year to bask outside instead of in a chair hunched over that last minute homework. The one day that your best friend decides to loudly talk about Ms. Shepard and Ms. T'Soni and their totally not real relationship. Continuing awkwardly, haltingly, silly-y.
1. Chapter 1: Field Day

"Aw, they are just so sweet!"

Elissa shot a sideways glare to her best friend, who currently appeared on the verge of crying. Like this was a wedding they were attending instead of waiting for a turn at tug-a-war, which they were going to win, by the way. While Elissa was not a very tall person, she was a very strong person and her favorite thing after wiping the floor in a hover ball game was being at the end of a tug-a-war rope. And pizza, probably. Amala on the other hand was Asari, which placed her at a modest height of 6' 4", and a distinct preference for deflecting to brute force stoppage.

"Please," Elissa begged, "please stop going on about them. They are totally not together ok? And it's creepy. You, are creepy."

Amala's pointed glare did little more than make Elissa struggle not to laugh.

"It's not creepy, it's love. They are completely in love. Smitten! You're just jealous of how perfect they are." With her arms crossed definitely across her chest, one purple finger pointed to the two figures awkwardly standing next to each other. "Totally together, right there, more than Kielrok and Tavo."

Standing about 15 feet from the students, were Coach Shepard and Coach T'Soni. To be fair they both taught classes besides PE but right now, it was coach time. Elissa could tell because Shepard had her baseball cap on and had a whistle around her neck, and T'Soni was wearing a t-shirt and shorts instead of one of her favored dresses. That meant go time, run fast, climb fast, go hard or go home. If you thought T'Soni would let you slack you would be wrong, soft voice hard heart in Elissa's opinion. Honestly she had been ten minutes late, how did that warrant an extra mile?

Likewise in physics you couldn't expect Shepard to let things slide, that woman was always a perfectionist. So maybe Elissa didn't always check her math, and perhaps she could pay more attention during lecture. Still, being volunteered for the bowling ball demonstration about entropy had only been cool after the fact. The fact that she flinched on the first upswing didn't get her the dangled extra credit points either.

Currently though, the two were in solid coach mode and had this one joint time a day to teach together. Elissa thought the student body's obsession with this "power couple" was ridiculous. The two were obviously not together. They were just awkward dorks, seemingly worried about even having to brush past each other in the hallway. The only time the two weren't shifting uncomfortably during a silence or lapse in conversation, was when they were trying to supplement what the other was saying and only managing to confuse their class. This is a game about negotiation vs. that means take no prisoners. Or her favorite, when the two had bickered for the better part of an hour about if dodgeball was about the agility to dodge or the strength and speed to hit. Of course this was done haltingly, with a lot of unnecessary words.

"I'm not saying your point isn't valid, but have you considered?"

"That is an excellent argument, but you are forgetting this small detail surrounding…"

"Truth be told, and I'm not arguing with you, I'm not, I agree, but I still think the thing is!"

"Honestly, I also agree with you and your point, however, that being said, there is more going on!"

"Can we please just agree that there are differing opinions, values, and viewpoints on this?"

"Why are we arguing about dodge ball? Dodge ball!"

While Elissa had happily spent the time counting passive aggressive commentary in the argument and played with her long hair, Amala had done then what she was doing now. Sighing in content as if she was the one in love, making big doe eyes at the two, and every so often cooing. It was disgusting.

"Girl, you drew them holding hands and blushing the other day. That is creepy." Elissa smirked as Tavo was pulled into the grass. There was something so satisfying about watching him fail miserably at human sports.

"Yeah, well, Jenny wrote fanfiction about them going to college together. So I'm not _that_ creepy really." Amala gave a dismissive snort.

"Jenny what!?"

Amala smiled widely, "Oh yeah, she wrote a romance fanfic for them as an English assignment. Ms. Williams used it as an example in class along with a reminder that 'Jane' and 'Lara ' needed a bit more work to not resemble people living or dead."

"Oh my God!" Elissa started to laugh imagining poor Jenny Grenbrook's already pink face turning redder with embarrassment.

"And H'Tok doodled them kissing on his algebra assignment, and Ms. Zorah gave him five extra credit points for, and I quote, spreading the love!" Amala's grin was huge as she made a little heart symbol with her hands.

"She did not! …did she?" Elissa covered her mouth hoping to not draw the attention of the aforementioned "couple" to their conversation.

"Yeah, Goddess Elissa where have you been this last year, under a rock? Listen, Martin was passing a note to that new kid, the Krogan yeah? Mr. Vakarian caught them."

Elissa was laughing harder than she had in a long time, Mr. G was nearly famous for always making students answer omni calls in front of the class and opening notes up under his projector screen so the whole class could read them. "Oh—stop! I can't, I can't breath!"

Amala started to laugh unable to get the words out for a minute herself. "It was a limerick about those two and azures!"

As they continued to cackle the girl behind them politely butted in. "Excuse me, are you talking about Shoni?"

Elissa managed to pull herself together first, "Shoni?"

The girl looked highly uncomfortable. "Um…"

"Shepard and T'Soni's power couple name, duh." Amala said as if Elissa had casually said the earth was flat instead of confused at a made up moniker. "And yeah, we totally are, they are so sweet!"

The girl's smile suddenly flew to the front, full teeth and everything. "I know! They are so married!" Her squeal is enough to actually draw the attention of the two coaches.

Elissa tried desperately to somehow create distance between them and her. While standing in a jam packed line. When you are officially at the front of that line.

Effectively she just nudged their entire groups forward a shuffle, placing them closer to the very people she hoped would not see, hear, or notice them. With a strained smile she waved at them, and after a small pause where they looked at each other, T'Soni waved back. As her two companions continued to loudly discuss how Shoni was a ship that would never sink and apparently sailed forever on a beautiful perfect ocean forever at sunset while rose petals fell from the sky (or something), Elissa continued to smile awkwardly and wave with one hand. She used her other arm to sharply hit Amala in the ribs, and was promptly hit in the back of the head. T'Soni's eye grew huge, while Shepard began to walk over with purpose.

This was beyond day ruining, this was Field Day ruining. And high school ruining. Probably life ruining if anyone thought they'd escape from a determined Shepard.

"Ok ladies, anyone want to explain to me what is going on over here?" Shepard's voice had a hard edge to in. "Halevi, stop waving, it's gotten creepy."

Elissa's hand dropped back down to her side the panic in her smile only growing. Amala's face somehow managed to shift to a darker shade of purple and the girl behind them had wisely pretended to have never known them at all. The traitor.

"Well?" This time it was from T'Soni, whose voice was soft but held the promise of danger.

Elissa finally blurted, "Friendly discourse! Debate! For class, debate class, about, uhm, uh, about stuff and things."

Amala's face transformed from just embarrassment to near horror.

"Oh yeah?" Shepard jutted one hip out while, to Elissa's mild horror, T'Soni appeared to be struggling not to laugh. "Debate class on stuff and things. Care to be more specific Ms. Halevi? Maybe Ms. Yatoi would like to add something on this since her avid...rebuttal caught my attention."

"We were talking about you two!" Amala confessed before casting about desperately for a life line. "I mean, is it true you two met on an Alliance ship or was it in college?"

Shepard glanced over at her colleague with a bewildered look. T'Soni shrugged and gave a cough, which did not fully cover soft chuckling she was trying to stop.

"Because, it's a big debate we have, in debate club. We choose topics and things that we're familiar with and everything." Amala continued to dig a hole for them.

"How we met?" Shepard asked the same way the lady at the MVD would call out peoples numbers.

"Yes, mm-hm." Elissa decided it wasn't fair to leave Amala hanging. Why couldn't something happen to distract everyone? Was a little world ending destruction that much to ask for?

Before Shepard could grill them, God himself seemed to make H'Tok suddenly head butt the Krogan next to him. "I should go," Shepard said with no amount of obvious relief before blowing her whistle and marching towards them.

T'Soni watched Shepard somehow physically separate the two pups, before turning back to them.

"I would suggest coming up with a plausible cover story with a bit less room for interpretation and need for a friend to bail you out." She paused for a second before adding, "We met when Shepard saved my life, she was in the Marine Corps and I was teaching at Serrice University. I hope this helps to settle your debate."

As T'Soni walked over to help break up the small crowd that gathered to watch an infamous verbal shredding by Shepard, Elissa sagged with pure relief.

"Goddess...this changes everything. They're not just married, they are soul mates! I bet they're bonded!" Amala declared.

Elissa gave her another hard elbow strike, unnoticed this time.


	2. Chapter 2: Brotheans

Elissa flipped her pencil around her thumb, tried to, watched it stutter and fall to the floor and sighed. History. Ancient history even. Like, at least a thousand years ago or something! Grunting as she tried to lean down in the always too small desk she bumped her head on the way up and stabbed graphite into her palm. Oh the joys of history.

Next to her Amala wore a bored expression although Elissa noted that she was doing some stick figure doodling. After field day, she didn't even want to know. On her other side Kielrok was craning his neck to see the drawings. Because a Krogan obviously could do that inconspicuously.

At the front of the room Ms. T'Soni was excitedly explaining something about Inusannon and the way they affected Protheans. She was drawing an example of the arches on a chalkboard, God knew how she had managed to find an honest to goodness chalk board, but there it was. Scribbled into the corners of the board were small drawings that students had left, the occasional "Ms. T Rocks!", and history puns. Somehow whenever Elissa tried to write or draw on the board it got wiped down the next day.

Kielrok's low chuckle easily caught everyone's attention and thanks to him sort of looking at her; they consequently looked at her. She slumped down as far as the metal bar would let her, her knees knocking into the chair in front of her to Brandon's annoyance. Yeah, take that Brandon, Brodon, Bropheus, Brothean. There was nothing wrong with Brandon, his habit of leaving chewing gum under his desk was really the only down side and that was child's play.

"Anything you would like to share with us Ms. Halevi?" T'Soni, the lady scared her. Quiet scary.

"No ma'am, just listening about Protheans and stuff." She tried to at least sound fake interested, the way you dumbly nod when your boyfriend or girlfriend was rambling on about that thing they love that you don't care for. Why yes dear. Fascinating dear.

Her not eyebrows shot up slightly. Busted.

Elissa cleared her throat and sat up straighter as the lesson continued.

Amala sent her a small message via omni, attached was a badly drawn rendition of Coach Shepard rescuing Ms. T'Soni, whose hand rested in distress on her forehead. There was a very, very badly drawn gun shaped like a dolphin was next to them with the words "this is her marine gun" next to it. Violet eyes stared resolutely forward as Elissa glared daggers at her.

 _Are you trying to get me in trouble?_

 _Are you trying to be such an easy target?_

 _You are awful and we can't be friends anymore._

 _I'm heart broken, woe, woe is me! How shalt I live without my walking armrest?_

 _Hey!_

 _My fun sized human!_

 _Look beanpole_

 _My teacup human!_

 _Are you done?_

 _Give me a second. … yeah, I want to make a joke about your name and shorty but it's not happening._

"Ms. Halevi, despite your 'listening about Protheans and stuff' you seem very distracted. Show me your tablet." Ms. T'Soni walked into the rows of desks, somehow gracefully not knocking a single one over where Elissa tended to bruise her hips.

Panicked eyes met across the aisle, before Elissa slowly grinned. If I'm going down you are going down with me. As she began to turn her tablet with the incriminating drawing over, the door opened.

"Hey Li can I…uhm, so you're in class." Shepard coughed awkwardly and hovered half in and half out the door.

"Hey you can you…?" Ms. T'Soni grinned, one hand on Elissa's desk.

Saved by the dork with the whistle blowing complex! She began to furiously delete the last several messages from her tablet.

"Er, is it alright if I borrow your model of the universe?" Shepard shuffled further in. "Hey Bowe, you still owe me chapter five."

Tamrik groaned and began to dig through his bag under Shepard's watchful gaze.

"Am I getting it back in one piece?" Ms. T'Soni asked still hovering over Elissa's desk and causing her student to wish for a way out while she deleted.

"Yes." Shepard sounded bored as she grabbed the missing homework assignment.

"Without the use of super glue?" It was asked casually, Elissa felt herself wanting to scream no, no glue.

"…sure?"

"Shepard!"

"Ok, ok, no glue!"

"Or magnets."

"You are just, you are just not even fun you know? Fine I'll make sure we don't break, destroy, mangle, maim, or harm your model. Yeash." Shepard jammed her hand into her pocket and watched as Liara walked to the back where her cabinets squatted like angry trolls.

"Alright, class please try to focus while I deal with this. The Protheans architecture was a pretty big deal at the time and today…"

Elissa immediately cued into Shepard who at the word Protheans had gotten wide eyes and slowly waved her hands as if in awe.

"…considering their structures are still used as the bones by our civilizations it's obvious that the Protheans…"

Again, Shepard made it a point to look awe struck as she pressed her hands into her cheeks. Students struggled not to laugh outright. Elissa looked at Amala who was grinning, her tablet forgotten on the desk.

"Which is why Prothean…"

This time Shepard threw a hand over her forehead and popped one of her legs up, then promptly fanned herself with her free hand.

"Prothean, Prothean, Prothean, yes I know what you are doing up there thank you very much."

Shepard awkwardly lowered her hands, once more reserved and dorky like usual. The class laughed as she was caught out by Ms. T'Soni, who hadn't even bothered to peak out from behind the cabinet. Elissa stared in wonder. Shepard was never a prankster or joker in class and on the field she was a different woman entirely. What was this? What was _this?_

"Thanks for the model. We should do this more often. I should go." Shepard, arms full of discs and spinning parts shuffled back out the door and tried to close it with her foot several times until T'Soni simply walked over and shut it.

Elissa's tablet went off.

 _AH, She called her Li! Cutest nickname since ever!_

Elissa flushed red and focused as hard as she could on T'Soni.

 _And they totally were joking and flirting, Li helps Shepard break out of her shell. So romantic!_

"Ms. Halevi! Your tablet if you please!" T'Soni had her hand out.

Elissa tried desperately to delete again even as it was pulled out of her hands.


	3. I'm Trying to Eat Here

"It was raining!" Elissa groaned hands over her face, trying, trying to just enjoy lunch.

"And they were totally sharing her coat because they are sweet on each other, like a film or something!" Amala batted her eyelashes and stared into the corner of the cafeteria as if rewatching the moment.

"No, they were sharing her coat because it was raining cats and dogs." Elissa looked at her tray; probably pizza, probably fruit, probably vegetables. It was hard to tell when you have to cater to so many aliens. She had wanted some of the blue glowing jelly thing but had been shooed away even as Amala took a double heaping of it.

"Raining what? Wait, does that happen on Earth?" Kielrok's eyes were wide with wonder a grin half on his face.

"What? No! Well, birds and fish sometimes, read that in an article for current events." She tried to sound cool and tough. Elissa figured if she could impress Kielrok he would someday let her ride on his shoulders at the hover ball games. Her body was ready for glory.

"You are disgusting and earth sounds terrifying." Amala casually noted as she ate some of the glowing jelly. "Look the point is they totally shared T'Soni's coat and were smiling like kids. How beautiful is that? How romantic is that?"

Before Elissa could retort Kielrok rumbled, "Pretty romantic."

She had to stop her head from slamming into the probably pizza maybe meatloaf in agony.

Tavo laughed, in that kinda creepy Turian way, and draped himself all over the greenish Krogan pup. "I finally got you into Shoni? When were you going to tell me?"

"At the two month anniversary," Kielrok basically preened as his boyfriend rewarded him with a hump scratch.

"Am I seriously the only one who isn't crazy? It's obvious they are totally barely even friends!" Elissa was feeling the pain in her soul. This is what her life had been reduced to. Not wild parties, boys, alcohol, and all that other stuff she'd been promised. Just an entire school's obsession.

"Uhm, Elissa?" Came the quiet voice of a girl sitting next to their group. "They, uh, they totally are, not saying, just saying." She quickly stood and left as a mystery of the ages, a voice in the storm, a random girl with a custom made pin that had a heart and "Shoni" on it.

"Look she doesn't count as an authority—that was a clearly biased opinion!" Elissa paused as she reconsidered the group she was sitting with. This group was clearly an unbiased source of information in the same way that the STG had a great transparency policy.

"Look, this is a safe zone, a no judgement zone, which is why we are judging you so harshly over this. You understand romance and flirting the way a rock understand physics." Amala paused then corrected, "Ok that was not a good example since the rock knows more. You understand romance and flirting the way a rock understands photosynthesis."

Elissa felt a twitch developing somewhere in her eyeball and was promptly grossed out by her body and her friends. Turning her gaze away she noticed another backpack with the Shoni pin. What is wrong with my entire school? Is it the food? Elissa contemplated as she chewed the totally pizza, and allowed her friends obsessive conversation to wash over her. Brandon walked by and waved, while she tried to desperately wipe sauce off her chin. On his vest was a Shoni pin.

"Ok I'm sorry; did someone make a thousand of those stupid Shoni pins and just give them away?"

Three sets of eyes met around the table. "Girl, seriously starting to think your house is a rock; you may in fact be a rock living under a rock. Michelle was selling those at the crafts fair for a quarter each." Amala held up her bag where another Shoni pin was.

"I saw Shepard with one of those." Kielrok said as if mentioning what he ate for breakfast was just ok.

"She what? Details you dumb lizard, details!" Amala, unnecessarily in Elissa's opinion, leaned over the table as if she couldn't hear fine from where she was. As if they hadn't literally had a random stranger join the conversation because of how loud they were. Elissa scooted the smallest bit away trying to create the illusion of not being a part of this group while still being considerate of her friends feelings.

And maybe because she needed to hear all the gossip she could. Show them who's a rock under a rock, more like a rock star. A current events rock star. Who was trying to figure this all out, who wanted to understand the madness without falling into it. Elissa feared that she was signing herself up for doom but still felt herself dragged out to the black hole of stupidity.


	4. Chapter 4: Excuse Note

"Well, well, well. Skipping out from under Shepard huh?"

Elissa froze as the deep tones of the security guard crashed into her. Guiltily looking up at him she half shrugged. "No. Maybe. Look, my friends are obsessed idiots and I wanted a little bit of sanity. Is that so much to ask?" She squinted at his name badge and awkwardly stretched shirt. "Grunt? That too much?"

"Heh heh heh." He maintained eye contact during his slow chuckle. It was creepy times ten thousand. "You fed up with the mushy stuff too?"

To Elissa's eternal shock, the Krogan leaned against the wall next to her causing it to shake. For a moment she worried they would both go through the brick wall right into Ms. Williams class, where she was probably going to be asked to diagram a sentence or explain the main imagery used in some obscure poem and how that related back to the zeitgeist of the times. Instead they simply stayed there leaning against the wall looking at each other. She had never really paid the security guard attention, well, except when he drove around in that little golf cart but mostly because the driver's side would scrap the ground and the other side nearly left the ground. That was hilarious! Otherwise though, he simply quietly tromped around the grounds, surprisingly quiet for a few ton Krogan.

"Yeah, I guess. It just…" Elissa paused, was she really going to dump her guts on this guy's shoes? Here? Now? Ugh. He just seemed like the first sane person she'd seen in months. "It's too much you know? Like, why is everyone obsessed?"

He gave the Krogan version of a smile. "You aren't going to like my answer kid, but I can understand wanting a break." He reached into a pant pocket and pulled out a cigarette. "You smoke?"

Elissa wanted desperately to say yes just because being offered to break a rule by the security guy was awesome. Common sense returned moments later as the Krogan version of a cigarette was closer to a Human cigar and twice as foul. "No, thank you. What do you mean I wouldn't like your answer?"

Again with the creepy chuckle.

"I know they are together, romantically. Don't get it. Don't like mushy stuff. But, they're happy so why complain." Grunt shrugged.

"No, not you too!" Elissa groaned as he grinned at her. "They, seriously, why does everyone see this? Maybe friends, but more?"

Grunt shrugged. "Honestly if they aren't together I'd be more concerned. Shepard likes to get things done quickly and Liara gets kinda grabby when she wants something."

"Oh-ho, so you don't know you just think and assume and obsess like the rest of us!" Elissa cut her gloating short at his rumble which she interpreted as a not happy sound. Clearing her throat she tried more diplomatically, "Ok, so there are signs and symptoms or something."

They silently stayed at the wall, Grunt smoking and Elissa trying to not cough, wave her hands to ward off the smoke, and generally look cool even as her eyes watered. Better than Amala who was going to heave up a lung someday with how much she sighs. Seriously, she like, what, fifty or sixty and hasn't figured this out? So much for being the wise old one. As she scuffed her shoes along the gravel Elissa could clearly see the school nurse hustling towards them at a good clip.

"Grunt, put that out!"

The Krogan didn't jump, but his eyes snapped open like he would've. In a quick mechanical motion he snubbed it on the side of the building and turned around. "Dr. Chakwas."

"Smoking in front of one of our students, I'm appalled at you young man!" Chakwas hustled between them and began giving Elissa a quick check over.

The school nurse was actually a retired doctor, and had a penchant for following up with her wards and students as if it was always life and death. A no nonsense type but bizarrely caring, Elissa had totally faked sickness a few times to be allowed to lie down in the darkened room at the nurse's office and have Chakwas dote on her. Besides, as she left she could usually get a cereal bar or fruit that was more obviously meant for human consumption than whatever was at the cafeteria. And maybe she had a small crush, whatever.

"Well I offered to smoke with her." Grunt grumbled as Elissa had her face wiped down by a wet one. "She declined, good kid right?"

"Grunt, you are young and she is younger, no smoking on campus." With a flourish Chakwas pulled out a small aerosol can and spritz Elissa and then the security officer who chomped at the misty cloud around him. "Now, may I ask why you are with this ragamuffin and not in class Elissa?"

Elissa managed to keep a dopey smile off her face. She knows my name. "Uh…" Somehow telling her about how far the school had fallen seemed rather shameful and completely embarrassing.

"Needed a break. Too much mushy stuff." Grunt grinned.

Chakwas only looked confused for a moment before her face scrunched up, obviously trying not to laugh. "Oh, well then, poor company my dear. Grunt here is convinced he's getting a step mother."

"Heh, heh, heh."

"What?" Elissa tried to put the pieces together but it was rather like making apple juice with only your bare hands.

"Nothing important dear child, now, let me escort you back to class and we'll call this one a medical emergency hm?" Chakwas gave Grunt a loving pat on the shoulder before waving Elissa to follow her.

They walked at a rather slow pace, but Elissa wasn't going to complain too much. It wasn't until they reached the commons and Chakwas turned left, away from the science building, that Elissa got suspicious. They meandered between planters with well-maintained flowers and over flowing trash bins, someone's breakfast burrito had attracted what Elissa charitably thought of as birds to eat in front of the school mascot. In fact, this was the spot that all the school promotion was done from, the wall behind the sculpture was covered in beautiful green and pink vines and the Thessian trees drooped heavy with pale purple flowers on either side. The "Ragin' Rachni" sculpture of course was the worst looking part, today someone had managed to shove sugar cubes into it's mouth making it look buck toothed.

"How are you doing Elissa, to ditch out of class like that screams of some mental suffering to me. Even if it's because you are a little squeamish about love." Chakwas always had a way of saying things that sounded like they should be insulting, but somehow came out concerned and caring from her.

"I'm not, you know, squeamish. It's just, oh God, so many of them are like, and you know how this school was two years ago when 'Tarrus' was the thing? Why? Don't they have homework or something?" Elissa managed to stop shoveling a hole long enough to run a hand through her hair. "Grunt said they were and they weren't. I dunno. It would be easier if I just knew one way or the other?"

Chakwas nodded sagely even as she said, "Ah the impatience of youth."

Elissa decided to take it as a, not compliment but not insult.

"Perhaps, seeing that you are so distressed, you should ask one of them."

"No! Oh no! I am not committing to that kind of social death!"

Chakwas laughed, musically even if a little raspy. "Of course not! But a suggestion is all. And here we are."

Elissa looked guiltily at the red brick building and pleadingly back at Chakwas who was already scribbling out a note for her to give Shepard. "I don't suppose we could walk around the—"

"Not a chance." She smiled as she turned the note over. "If you'll excuse me I need to talk with Grunt about his smoking, please do the right thing especially as I put the time on that note."

Elissa grunted and dragged her feet across the door.


	5. Chapter 5:This is my Favorite Restaurant

"Ms. Halevi, how nice of you to join us at last." Coach Shepard, always Coach Shepard because Ms. Shepard just seemed wrong, announced Elissa's entrance to the entire classroom. Projected onto the wall was some sort of water barrel with three holes poked in it at different heights. Elissa, for the first that day, felt nauseous; fluid dynamics did that to her pretty frequently.

"I had to get cleared by Chakwas ma'am." She lifted the excuse note lamely and shuffled over to hand it over.

Shepard squinted at the note, her green eyes narrowed. Elissa belatedly realized that she never looked at the note itself. What if Chakwas betrayed her? What if it said she'd been doing drugs with the security guard? What if it mentioned Shoni? The nausea grew. Then with a shrug, Shepard pointed to her desk and walked back to her own desk.

Elissa was tempted to claw the note out of Shepard's freckled hands but instead sat down miserably next to Amala who looked like someone had told her that her only child had a terminal illness.

 _Elissa, I'm so sorry I didn't know you weren't feeling well! I totally would've told Shep._

 _I didn't know I was feeling bad until it was too late, still feeling a little sick but had to come._

 _Oh baby!_

 _Thanks bae, you're a bro._

It was looking up from this that Elissa found that Shepard had her Shoni pin on her lanyard. With the soothing tones of the best school nurse, doctor, whatever, in her ear Elissa decided to just bite the bullet. Her hand went into the air, she felt shock at doing it, pride, then panic, began to lower her hand, and was called on by Shepard.

"Halevi?" Shepard held the holo-pen in one hand ready to do real work.

"Why are you wearing, uh," Elissa coughed, "why are you wearing that Shoni pin?"

The room went silent. Elissa was disgusted to realize that most of them had leaned forward in anticipation, she was pretty sure she saw a few people poised to type into the tablets. One kid straight up started recording with his omni even though they weren't supposed to have omnis at school.

"It's great right?" Shepard smiled as she looked at the pin lovingly. "I mean, over a hundred years old but still so fine right?"

Elissa felt sweat develop on her brow and back. How was she supposed to respond to that and not be punched by Shepard or destroyed by T'Soni? "Uhhh…."

"I was so excited when they opened up at the corner, seriously, Shoni's has the best honeydew ever. And the pie is killer." Shepard got a dreamy look on her face.

A few people groaned, Amala scoffed, the kid recording was trying not to laugh. Elissa was still confused.

"So, she, wait, she makes pies?" Her brain added unhelpfully.

"Yeah, the best pies! I think she uses dark magic, it's the only answer. Wish the burgers were better but whatever. Any particular reason?" Shepard finally managed to turn her gaze back up to the classroom.

Elissa suddenly realized this was a restaurant that Shepard was goo-goo ga-ga for. That she had no idea what that pin meant.

"Miss?" This from the boy with the omni, "Would you mind saying, I love Shoni? It's for a project."

Shepard looked at him for a moment and at his recording. "Do I get a discount or something?"

"Sure?" He didn't sound convincing.

"Ok, my name is Jane Shepard, and I love Shoni's."

Amala grabbed Elissa's wrist with strength her delicate little hands would not seem to possess. Their eyes met, her eyes looked like they were trying to pop out of her head, she grinned like a mad woman. Elissa tried to free her hand as the class whooped.

Above the din she could clearly hear Shepard say, "If I knew you all like them this much I would've scheduled a field trip there."


	6. Seriously, Just Trying to Eat

"Elissa Halevi, eat bird!" Amala crowed as she all but slammed her drink down next to her best friend.

It was chicken day at the cafeteria, and besides always seeming to ruffle the Turians at school, no one seemed to have mastered freezing and reheating chicken. And when that chicken was probably not even real chicken and had to be edible by several different species, well, anyways, on chicken day they always bought green chile chicken burritos or fried chicken sandwiches. Although Amala always ordered hers with some sort of Asari sauce that made the whole thing look horrifying to Elissa. Glowing green goop should never be found on chicken. Sacrosanct!

"What, why, and seriously why do you do that to yourself?" Elissa simply pointed at her friend's burrito which appeared to be smothered in cheese, chile, and eezo.

"Shut up, and look at the magics!" Amala made a grand hand motion across the way to the teacher's lounge.

The teacher's lounge for some reason had been built with giant expansive windows to make the space feel bigger, but conversely made it more like a zoo that students could peer into and see exactly how small the space was. Somehow crammed into a room about the size of Elissa's bedroom was a fridge, microwave, stove top, posting board, table and chairs, a thing with six giant rolls of colored paper, a paper cutter, and a sink. Of course the crowning glory was a beaten up couch that someone had placed several knitted pillows on to spruce up. Elissa had daydreamed about just sleeping on it, just once. Like, maybe as a senior she could qualify to sleep on the couch instead of going to math. She'd cover herself in school papers and data pads and knit pillows. Glory awaited.

Of course, her attention had been drawn to the couch, and on the couch she found what Amala was squealing over. Shepard and T'Soni sat on the couch together; Shepard's arm was draped over the back of it, her hand gripping the top just past T'Soni's shoulder. The two were turned to face one another and somehow T'Soni had managed to fit into the space even with her lanky frame practically looming over the shorter human. Elissa didn't gag, but it was a near thing. Then she saw what Amala had really seen. T'Soni had a drink of some kind in her hand, after taking a sip she held it out and Shepard had a drink too.

"They are so married. They are so married so hard." Amala clasped her hands together and rested her cheek on them, her eyes slowly opening and closing causing her eyelashes to flutter slightly.

Elissa rolled her eyes and took a drink out of Amala's cup, which only earned her a swat to the back of the head instead of a declaration of undying love. Silently, having proved her point, Elissa grinned at her sweet, sweet cherry cola victory. Then had another sip since she had forgotten to buy a cheap sports drink.

"Look, all I'm saying is that sharing a drink while sitting together is not the same thing as a ring."

"Bracelet."

"Bracelet, ring, or other token of monogamous relations. Ok? It's just a drink."

"Yeah, and what about that?"

Elissa looked back in time to see T'Soni, laughing (which seemed wrong to Elissa, T'Soni doesn't laugh she plots and chuckles), head buried into Shepard's shoulder. Shepard was making grand gestures with her other hand still, while the one behind the couch seemed to grip the stuffing harder.

"That…that…that! You!" Elissa punched Amala in the arm. She meant to hit the shoulder but ended up smacking her closer to her elbow.

"Proof my child, proof!"

"Ugh, I need this. I feel sick, this is what I need." Elissa took the soda and began to sullenly drink out of it.

"Phft, you're just upset because you missed Ms. Lawson's endorsement of Shiara."

The headache, which was probably a consequence of the salty food and sugary drink, only grew as Elissa rubbed at her temples. "Isn't that the security lady?"

Amala patted her patronizingly on the head before stealing her half gone soda back. "That's Shiala, I'm talking about Shiara." She paused a moment waiting for Elissa to chime in and then huffed out a sigh. "Formerly known as Shoni."

"What's wrong with calling them Shoni?" Elissa grumped. Really was it asking too much to keep the insanity contained to one power couple name?

"Well, the manager of the restaurant wasn't too happy with students trying to hand out Shoni pins at the door and Shepard may have thrown a fuss about not getting her discount."

Elissa rolled her eyes. "Ok, but, Shiala?"

"Shiara."

"Whatever, that doesn't even make sense!"

"Shepard and Liara, Shiara."

"The whole school is not on first name basis with T'Soni! Why not Jiara then? Janara?"

Amala looked at her the way you would a small bug that kept flying into a window in confusion. "No one calls her Jane."

"I bet Liara does, if they're all buddy-buddy first name basis."

Elissa ate a bit more of her burrito before realizing that Amala was staring at her in smug satisfaction. Awkwardly swallowing her oversized bite Elissa wiped at her mouth and chin for cheese sauce. Finding none she finally had to ask. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Doth my ears deceive me or did you just speculate on Shiara as a couple doing a coupley thing?"

"No!" Elissa realized in growing dread that Amala was only looking more pleased with herself. "No! I did not! I was, I was, look, this was all hypothetical and I was talking to you in that sense."

"Hypotheticals about their deep seated romance and whirlwind passion?" Amala said with finality.

Elissa blanched as she tried to imagine Shepard in a whirlwind of passion but really could only imagine her attempting and failing to do the splits on a hot summer day. A determined kissy face prominently displayed as Liara swooned dramatically in the background.

"Definitely triple no and a cherry of no on top. No. No, no, no! I wasn't and they aren't, and gross by the way, and I'm eating. Why when I'm eating!?"

Amala didn't say anything but she seemed rather sure in her victory while Elissa felt herself probably turning shades. Then promptly felt annoyed as she noticed that Amala had managed to eat without Elissa noticing and without making a mess while Elissa finally noticed the cheese on her shirt. Outplayed, outperformed, and outclassed in all fields. Grabbing a napkin Elissa tried to not look at Amala's smug grin or through the glass at the teachers who were trying to eat lunch.

Seriously, spying is rude anyways Elissa decided as she tackled the second half of her lunch.

A/N: Hey everyone, sorry for the silence recently and the delayed responses to reviews and PM's. Between not having internet at my home and my dad being hospitalized my everything went on the way back burner. Good news is my dad is doing much better, even though we're not completely sure what the issue is heart failure was ruled out so I feel pretty good. I will be trying to get things back in order here and will hopefully start to find the time to respond to messages again.

Thanks for sticking around for this insane ride of a one off becoming a wee bit longer. May Shoni, sorry, Shiara, live in our hearts but not quiet at the level of 60 year old love sick high school Asari!


	7. Like Fish in a Barrel, Full of Holes

"Today we will be starting our archery section, and don't get too excited yet because if you think I'm about to let you pick up a deadly weapon without any forethought you should probably be excluded from the archery section. Or volunteer to hold the targets." Shepard's near barking finally got Elissa to stop staring at the pile of multicolored plastic bows, literally dull in color, but oh so shiny in their souls. Elissa had been excited as soon as she'd learned there was an archery section, she'd never shot a bow but she could see herself posed like Coreen T'Mante liberating her school from…something, and it was all intense with explosions.

"Archery is about precision and accuracy, which you should know the difference between from Ms. Shepard's class."

Only T'Soni would ever call her Ms. Shepard, the same way she called Chakwas "Dr. Chakwas" or Mr. G "Mr. Vakarian". A regular stickler for titles and clearly defined authority versus Tali who insisted on her first name and casually would gossip about her coworkers. A Quarian thing, she'd said. Elissa both wished there were more and less people with the Quarian habit of gossiping.

"Now Ms. T'Soni will demonstrate the proper way to string a bow so please pay attention."

T'Soni barely had a chance to step onto the stringer before Shepard practically shouted.

"I did mention this is a deadly weapon right? Maybe I should be the one…"

The bow was quickly strung, then unstrung, then strung again. The Asari controlling the motion failing miserably to completely veil her glare while Shepard made a few unhelpful hand motions seemingly both towards the Asari and towards herself.

"Right. Everyone see that?" Shepard finally got out.

Elissa squinted as she tried to understand what she had seen. Several students looked at each other in confusion. Amala's mouth was slightly open in concentration.

"Great," Shepard smiled and clapped, "everyone go grab a bow and a stringer and yeah."

Despite having stood closest to the bows, Elissa was quickly overwhelmed as the line formed. Krogans were quickly given what looked like massively reinforced crossbows and Turians had a special bow string to go with theirs. Shepard seemed grateful to take this smaller group aside to teach them how to handle this very human item that was not very well adapted to giant muscles and claws. Elissa frowned as she somehow appeared to be at the end of the line. With a deepening frown, Elissa quickly found herself in front of T'Soni and reflexively asked for the heavier poundage draw. Aafter all thirty pounds wasn't much? Coach was looking at her like it was a mistake and Elissa's ego made her demand it all the harder. Coreen probably pulls a hundred pound bow or something.

Heaving against the limbs with her stringer, Elissa begged Amala with her eyes for help. We are friends, I feed you, push that stupid string, right there, push that thing, can't you read minds, help me, we are not friends. Amala finally noticed having long since strung her puny fifteen pound bow, and pushed the string.

The struggle was real, Elissa thought as she plucked the taut string like an old fashioned washtub bass. Amala rolled her eyes but joined in adding a second note to their archery band. Kielrok returned smiling and practically bouncing with her modified weapon. Tavo had also opted for a low poundage. Elissa decided that for her zombie killing team, first pick was Kielrok for heavy, Amala for observatory points, and then Tavo because every team needs a funny guy. Elissa chewed at her lip as she looked at the rest of their class. She would also invite Brandon but only if he had supplies, and if he couldn't pull weight, well, everyone needs to have someone slower than them during a zombie apocalypse too. She was cruel, she could admit it.

"Ok, everyone is ready to go right? The first thing we'll— Kielrok I will end you if you point that at anyone else." A scarred, freckled finger pointed accusingly, and T'Soni dropped her head into her hands. A mutter sounding suspiciously like 'don't threaten the students' drifting from her direction. "Ok, for reals this time kids. A few ground rules. Don't dry fire the bow."

Elissa rolled her eyes as a few boys laughed and had a feeling they misunderstood the phrase. Or were that gross.

"Never point your bow at anyone, whether or not you have an arrow notched." T'Soni was using her biotics to place some targets down range. Shepard frowned and puffed up a little to carry one by hand and placed it onto its stand using superhuman strength. A few of the Krogan pups flexed and tried to pick up the targets before falling over or quickly putting them down.

"When you have an arrow notched you must be standing at the line and your bow should face down the range. Only notch an arrow when you hear the whistle blow twice." T'Soni continued the lesson on while Shepard appeared to both flex and not flex in front of the Krogans.

Shepard, recoved from her act of strength beamed. "One whistle blow means step up to the line, two means notch and shoot, three means stop shooting. Liara will announce when to get you arrows."

Amala squeezed Elissa's forearm and gave a quiet squeal. Elissa frowned and found herself waiting for a beat to hear T'Soni call Shepard Jane, then remembered the whole stickler thing and grumbled.

It was to no one's surprise when Shepard happily stood at the line and brandished her favored whistle with a bit more flourish than was strictly necessary. Elissa was sure that Shepard polished it and maintained the little ball and everything. An old fashioned metal whistle. T'Soni had opted for the whistle interface although on occasion she would wear a metal one, loaned by Shepard. Elissa was distracted as the whistle blew (students awkwardly stood at the line), then two quick tweets from the whistle and a veritable hail of failed shots flew across the field. She imagined that a battlefield would look like this, arrows sticking out of the ground, T'Soni shouting down the line and walking around correcting as needed, Shepard screaming even louder from her position at the end of the line.

"Keep your shoulder pointed down the range Ms. Russo."

"Russo, don't you dare shoot that arrow at Liara!"

"Ms. Cannavan aim a little higher, draw the bow to its full potential."

"Cannavan don't make me blow this whistle to correct your draw, all the way, go big or go home!"

"Mr. Lappin perhaps pointing it towards the targets?"

"Lappin, do that again, I'm going to film it for posterity!"

Shepard blew the whistle three times and the front line stumbled towards their arrows, arguing over who had the white and pink fletching versus the black and blue. A lone Krogan was forced to wander to the edge of the field to find his misfires. Students guzzled water as the sun beat down mercilessly, and Elissa found herself watching the power couple. Shepard appeared to bask in the mild chaos, heat, and sounds of students either whimpering in fear or laughing about their shots. T'Soni was using black magic to look as if she was attending a rather drab party inside a chilled estate instead of surrounded by high schoolers at PE. Now that she noticed it so was Amala, so more Asari black magic. Tavo appeared to be swooning while Kielrok begrudgingly waved a giant hand in his direction, although Elissa wasn't sure if it was to cool him off or shoo him away.

Turning her attention back to Shepard Elissa managed to stifle a shout of surprise but was pretty sure her eyes were bugging out of her head. T'Soni had walked over and appeared to be wiping the sweat off her human companion's brow. Shepard was laughing a little and seemed to both be trying to move closer to the Asari and step away. It was an awkward swaying, almost like dancing if the dancer was horrible. The grin on Shepard's face seemed almost frozen on, but in that ecstatic way. Was it shooting deadly weapons, tormenting students, or the touch of an Asari. Elissa squinted hard enough to cause a headache as Amala leaned heavily on Elissa's head.

"True love."

"Or a seizure"

"A seizure of Shepard's love by bounty hunter Liara. Shut up, I tried, work with me."

As suddenly as the moment had started between the two coaches, it was over. Liara was waving the last set of shooters to the back, and the next group up. Shepard blew on her whistle, arrows went everywhere but the targets. Elissa heaved valiantly against her heavy bow, as Kielrok practically roared in joy next to her, Amala placed a wonderful grouping of arrows about six feet in front of the target, and Tavo complained that they should just hire Vorcha to do it. She didn't see Brandon, but she supposed they'd abandoned him while running from the walking dead. Yes, this was her team, her terrible, terrible team.

A/N: Ah some more filler. Also, I was in an archery club once, and in case any of them find this story magically, I am sorry, please don't shoot me. You all so good with bows. So good!

Additionally, I am wondering if there is anyone in particular you all would like to see appear in this story. I am already planning on working Wrex and Aria in somehow. I have no clue how I can make them fit into a high school but we'll roll with it. I am considering bringing The Illusive Man in as well. Any other suggestions?


	8. Chapter 8: Absent

Elissa slowly and listlessly bounced a holographic ball off her bedroom ceiling, barely wincing every few throws when she'd miss the catch and the hologram would appear to whizz at her face. All this evolution and the human brain had never learned how to avoid freaking itself out over dumb stuff. She had a small coughing fit and the "ball" flew through her chest and shattered on the floor in a small sparkle of lights. Elissa groaned.

Universal truth, if you lie about feeling sick you will feel really sick, worse than ever sick.

Rolling onto her side and curling into a ball she thought about her parent's faces this morning as she had managed to barely eat a spoon full of cereal before mom was getting a thermometer and dad was asking about symptoms. Sometimes having prepared parents rocked, and this morning she was summarily checked and told to stay home. And something about not spending all day on video games or drinking coffee instead of tea. The truth was she felt too sick to do much of anything, even her game of fake one person ceiling ball had mostly aggravated her condition. Besides pitying herself Elissa had also been reading updates from Amala as the day went along. Things like:

 _Tried to convince T'Soni that the Shoni pin was a great thing to wear, Adam asked if she'd also say she loves Shoni and she declined us both. Do you think she's onto us?_

 _Kielrok tried to head-butt the security guy, got sat on as punishment, will show pics later._

 _Shepard was trying to describe something and said, "You know, like, uh, Liara blue? What am I looking for class?" Sky blue, the color of your deep seated LOVE._

 _Why do humans like macaroni and cheese, and why must you always bring it up? Ew._

 _Ms. Williams demands perfection, when it comes to rhyming collections, but without my short human, my stupidity's blooming, and I can't seem to form recollections._

 _Sorry, I tried. Not sorry._

 _How's your everything?_

Can a head feel nauseas? Also, Elissa hadn't known that her wrists could hurt. You'd think with all the rock climbing and push uping she'd have known that was possible. Ugh. Ugh! Maybe some garlicy chicken soup would do the trick but that would require someone to cook or her ability to open a can and tap in some garlic powder and that sounded like too much work. She wished that mama bear Amala was here, sure she'd get laughed at for not knowing how to make soup but she would also have someone to distract her all day long. In a more put together way than instant messaging between classes.

Tavo had also shot her a few messages but they had almost all been pictures. One was of Kielrok under Grunt's rump with the caption "lol my knight is slain". Another was of T'Soni and Shepard in one of their not shouting arguments during PE; it was painfully obvious they were struggling but Tavo had drawn a heart around them anyways. One had been of Amala in a dead sleep a pencil placed into her open mouth, Ms. Goto appeared to be encouraging him in the background. "I got an inch, Ms. Goto managed two, best teacher ever" had been the caption. This had been followed by the lone text.

 _Amala totally caught me. Tell them I was handsome and cunning at my funeral. Don't let Ms. Goto attend._

Elissa had laughed and promptly rushed to the bathroom in a fit of sickness.

Now she had hit a dry spell with her friends in class, and had gotten tired of whining about how tired she was to these unresponsive friends. She had taken medicine as instructed and only played her games for a few hours before the guilt hit. It truly was hard to be so grown up all the time she thought while bemoaning that her dad had only left her saltine crackers instead of the cheese flavored ones she liked.

Of course the plus side was getting away from the madness; sure she'd gotten her Shoni, Shiara, whatever, updates but hadn't been constantly bombarded. Although she did regret not getting to see Brandon do his public speaking report on Asari bonding and how similar it was to many human traditions. Not because she wanted the love reminder but because she had wanted to watch him fail miserably to prove his point, because she had told him it totally wasn't. Also he was presenting in Samara's class. God it would've been perfect. Elissa hoped that someone would record it. She also had missed probably cheeseburger day at the cafeteria, which was one of the few things they did really well, even if she wasn't convinced it was made of cow. Probably some healthy mush that was turned out in droves and spiced heavily to hide the flavor. Still, it worked and tasted good, and even had the texture of a burger. Although missing lunch also meant she'd need to catch up on all the gossip later, and would further cement her reputation as a rock living in a rock under a rock. Whenever she was allowed back it would probably be met with a fanfare of items she'd missed the love birds doing, not that they are, were, or will be together. Elissa squinted across the room at her dresser. She really must be sick, wanting to go to school for Shoni updates. That's sickness on a whole new level.

Her omni pinged and displayed a picture of Shepard obviously trying to hug T'Soni who had her shoddily repaired universe model held at arm's length to keep her Human coworker away. The two were grinning. There was a little bloom of warmth in Elissa's chest.

Elissa grinned. Elissa wiped the grin off her face. Elissa questioned her sanity. Elissa wondered why the third person was such an appealing way to refer to herself right now.

Elissa opened up her keyboard and typed out her reply.

 _Ugh, you, ugh. You are turning me into a sick zombie._

 _Love you too dude, feel better but if you die can you haunt Mr. Taylor's shop class? Then we could say you died dramatically on the jump shear or something._

 _We don't even have a jump shear._

 _Because that one girl DIED using it and we had to remove it, that bunny shaped blob is where her blood stained._

 _That's totally a duck you two wit._

 _Too witty for you bunny girl?_

 _I am sick, have a heart._


	9. Yeah but You Need a 3 point 0

Elissa shifted back and forth in the plastic chair as she waited for Mr. Anderson to finish typing, squinting at his computer, and scribbling on her record. She bounced her legs up and down and looked across the hallway to the main office where two Krogans and a Turian sat with bags of ice taped onto various parts of their body. Glyph bounced around animatedly while talking to them, and Ms. Lawson managed to make all three somehow appear small and stupid just by lifting an eyebrow. Strange power to have, but sometimes Elissa wished it was her super power. She can wilt the strongest of macho jerks with a single quirk, and make the guilty plea their apologies with a furrow. Quiet but awesome.

"Well alright, we got you into Samara's for social studies, Tali for your Algebra II, Ms. Williams for your English, and Mr. Taylor for Advanced Shop." Anderson's voice smoothly pulled Elissa back, and she desperately tried to remember if she'd been wiggling her eyebrows when she looked at him. "But I'm concerned about you signing up for AP Physics with Ms. Shepard."

Ah, yeah, AP Physics.

"Elissa, you can do anything you put your mind to, I know that you could take and pass AP Physics" Anderson looked her directly in the eyes, and Elissa tried not to do anything stupid. Anderson had a way of making you feel like the center of the universe, which was often more uncomfortable than one would imagine. You were under the microscope and he had a habit of complimenting you right before asking you deep meaningful questions.

Last year Anderson had spent almost an hour with Elissa going round and round her trying to sign up for T'Soni's galaxy history class. She was notorious for her harsh grading, but Amala had been desperate to take a class from a former university professor and a T'Soni and it has nothing to do with her and Shepard and you are crazy. Elissa had just wanted to have a class with Amala, and had been hoping to get one with the Hanar guy. He used to be some sort of actor and while having a flair for the dramatic (by Hanar standards) was also known for teaching a very easy to pass history class. Amala had refused so Elissa being a good friend had too. Anderson had basically spent the hour giving Elissa every opportunity to not fail her history class, and ended it with a pep talk about how well she'd do.

He still gave her a pamphlet for the after school tutoring program on her way out.

Anderson cleared his throat and continued, "But I'm concerned, this year you got a C+ in physics, and AP is a college level course. Now I know there was a scare mid-year when you had to pull that grade up from an F."

Elissa tried to not crawl under a table as a student nearby chuckled. It was obviously a malicious laugh about her failure to understand Newtonian physics and not about anything else. After all, right now she was literally the center of the universe.

"And doing that is not easy or simple. So I know you have the drive and smarts to do an AP course!"

Was he taking back handed compliment lessons from Chakwas?

"But are you willing to have that drive and that dedication for the year, not just when you're in the fire, but for a whole year."

Oh no, it wasn't phrased as a question. Did that mean something in specific? Why did she ask to do AP Physics? Elissa reflexively swiped at her forehead and plucked at her shirt.

"Yes sir." Elissa said with conviction that she didn't really have.

Anderson's brown eyes drilled into her very soul before he smiled, "I believe you. But I'm mostly concerned because you also signed up for AP Galactic Rim History with Dr. T'Soni."

Doctor T'Soni!? When did she become a doctor? Elissa began to actually sweat and had to swipe at her forehead for real. "History was a surprising treat? Treat. It was a surprising treat and I want to be prepared for college, and, uh, ahead of, uh, the curve sir."

Anderson again paused although he had a small smile on his face. "Listen; there is no one here but us."

A total lie, they were in an open floor layout with students in half cubicles around the room who were listening in and laughing at her physics grade and accidently mismatched socks. But it was comforting.

"Are you taking Liara's class because you really like history or is it another reason? Because let me tell you now, if you try to take her class and aren't willing to really spend the time and effort on it you will fail that class. I think she's a little proud in a way that almost 40 percent of her class has to take make up exams to get the points to get a C to squeak by. Those students don't even get college credit in the end. She offers study sessions three nights a week because her class is that demanding. Are you there because history is a treat or because of something else?" Anderson had spoken as if he had seen these weepy, broken students from this class. And Elissa supposed he probably had as a class counselor. They would come to him in tears near the half year mark, probably begging to be let into any other class that would take them.

Please, sign me up for the preschool program! Put me in AP Biology with Mr. Solus! I will work with Mr. Zaeed in the custodial staff just let me out! Elissa could see herself in one year's time staring in shock out the window, drool falling from her open mouth whispering, the horror, the horror…the horror of 722 (or something) during the Krogan Rebellions when XYZ happen to ABC but Ms. T'Soni had wanted to know what the Krogan's had felt emotionally besides rage. Besides rage!

Elissa gulped.

"History is really awesome sir, I'm thinking of getting a degree in it when I graduate." Elissa said. A lie as she was horrified by thinking about college and assumed she'd get something generic like English or Business Administration, realize she had chosen the wrong thing half way through and switch to something eclectic before either failing out or worse. She'd graduate and never find a job. The government would go to her parent's house and repossess it because their way ward daughter had failed to make her monthly payments. The university would ask for the diploma back.

Anderson looked smug as he leaned back, arms crossed.

Elissa uncrossed her arms to lower the potential conflict and then re-crossed them out of nervous habit.

"Elissa, do you fancy Liara?" Anderson asked.

"She's a fancy Asari sir." Elissa said, squinting slightly. She was only mostly offended when he outright laughed.

"Yeah, but do you like her?" Anderson asked.

"Well, sort of, she's quiet scary too, but yeah I like her. …why? Do you like her?" Elissa tried to play the game and ask back.

"Not as much as you apparently! Listen, I can respect a schoolyard crush," Anderson began while Elissa immediately turned purple and tried to will herself to death, "but that's not a good reason to take someone's class. And, student-teacher relations like that are not exactly allowed. Plus Dr. T'Soni is taken."

Spluttering and choking on her own spit, Elissa managed to cough out, "Taken?!"

Anderson smiled kindly, "Yup, she's already seeing someone. Now I think that you should take the AP Physics but instead of another history have you considered chemistry? You need another science class and Morinth is always highly rated by her students. Now—"

Elissa had stopped listening. T'Soni was taken? By who? Why? When? How? Whatever those other questions were that Mr. Alenko had tried to teach her. Then she smiled slowly.

Amala was going to freak.


	10. Chapter 10:Fight, Cite, Thesis

A/N: Hanar face names how do they work? If I messed this up let me know and I'll fix it.

The student body was, technically, still moving. Lockers were opening and shutting, students unzipping their backpacks and re-zipping them, a few even pretended to be talking. It was so quiet though, the kind of quiet that their teachers literally begged for and demanded every class period but never managed to get. Elissa pushed down the urge to snap her fingers rhythmically and ask Amala to do ballet down the hallway with her, professional gang style, for the rumble. It was a throw down and for once it wasn't between two Krogans. Or the Krogan and the Turians. Or a Human and Batarian. Or Krogan and Salarian.

It was Asari and Hanar.

It was Ms. T'Soni and Mx. Seeks Greater Truth.

Not that they were having a fist fight, they were adults. As such they were instead having a shouting match that merely threatened to become a fist fight. It had started when the two ran into each other in the hallway and traded their usual thinly veiled barbs. Then they made a mutual mistake. Both parties stopped and actually began to talk. By talk it was meant that they quietly began to disagree on everything. Then they had a heated discussion. That evolved into a disagreement. And when you have a disagreement, you usually devolve into an argument. Then they had a heated argument, which meant yelling. This had in turn changed into a full out verbal barrage and fight.

Ms. Goto had been seen filming the whole event from various locations, although Elissa never saw her move between them. She also seemed to be delighting in the student's pretending to go about their after school business and was happily switching notebooks and binders.

Mr. G and Tali were leaning on the wall on T'Soni's side, talking casually but obviously ready to rumble if needed on their friend's behalf. Occasionally one or the other could be heard saying "Is this really worth it?" After the first time when Mr. G said it loud enough for T'Soni to hear the Asari had turned and snapped at him. So now they said it loudly enough for students to hear but not T'Soni. Survival is just smart.

Jack and Zaeed, were making bets with Grunt while Dr. Solus easily provided running commentary on who was further ahead in the fight. The cafeteria lady was collecting the money, her laugh crackling across the main hall and common room. She also added commentary, but usually about how T'Soni should just head-butt the "jelly fish".

Samara stood impassively in her doorway; face clear of emotions as if she had seen so many Asari and Hanar fights that this was nothing more than part of the scenery. Mr. Alenko stood with her and asked if they should intervene, even as he smiled widely and obviously had no intention of follow through.

The best part really had been when Vice Principal Urdnot had arrived. The students had collectively tried even harder to look like they were packing up at the end of the day and Elissa broke into a cold sweat. Urdnot had simply placed a bet with the cafeteria lady and now sat grinning lightly at the scene.

Amala had flittered between standing with Elissa (and behind Kielrok) and edging towards the exit, obviously debating if someone should get Coach Shepard.

"This one believes that you shame the Enkindlers, this one believes that you shame this institution of learning, and this one believes that you are attempting to shame it!"

"This is ridiculous! I haven't even been on a dig in at least…several years!"

"You have disturbed their holy places and stolen their glory."

"I went to sites approved by the Primacy for excavation and turned over all relics to the proper authorities! I'm a doctor, not a looter!"

Elissa wished she was recording and was hoping that Ms. Goto would share. This was priceless. Looking critically into her locker again Elissa noticed her overdue library book had somehow gotten smashed into her math notebook, two broken stylus's hovered shamefully in the corner where her omni was hunkered down. Yes, I am an average student packing up, just need to choose books for my homework, just choosing books; don't mind me, aaaaverage student.

"Oh really? Is that why you _chained_ yourself to the entrance of the Xytaln Caverns, which is illegal!"

"This one took a stand on behalf of all Hanar by utilizing a form of peaceful protest. It is you who insist on escalating these engagements as you have done today; in front of this institution's students."

"Lot of good your protest was, we just ducked under you and had to give you water when you were thirsty!"

Elissa grinned over at Tavo who was trying to not die of laughter on the concrete mushroom bench thing. His attempts to look like he was just cuddling with his boi basically forgotten. Kielrok gave a quiet grunt, "This is a stupid battle, can we leave?" Polite for a Krogan.

T'Soni had just sucked in a deep breath of air, either to calm herself down or in preparation for a final verbal strike when Coach Shepard finally arrived.

"What do you think you are doing?" Shepard didn't shout, but somehow her voice still carried across the hall. Students parted creating a perfect path for her to walk towards the now silent combatants. Shoulders squared, leaning forward, her boots producing a steady thump and squeak that was wholly undignified. "Well?"

T'Soni at least had the grace to look embarrassed, although Elissa supposed that Seeks Greater Truth could be too. Just hard to read a Hanar really.

"This was a…" T'Soni looked at her opponent for a second before flicking her gaze back to Shepard, "lively debate regarding archeological methods."

"Yes, debate is crucial for scientific progress." Mx. Seeks added.

Shepard pinched her nose. "Does scientific debate usually get this loud?"

The two looked at each other for a moment before T'Soni spoke again, "Well, I did say lively didn't I?"

"Do I need to call out fouls or can you two agree to disagree?" Shepard's face was stone.

"This one is in agreement to disagree with Dr. T'Soni. This one will contemplate what you have posited and will be sure to peer review your upcoming research article. This one hopes if you use it's opinions that you will cite it properly. Good day." Mx. Seeks Greater Truth gave a little bop of it's body before floating away from the scene of its crime.

"All right folks, show's over, go home!" Shepard's shout got most of the students to clear out in their usual thirty seconds.

Elissa grumbled slightly as she finally noticed Amala smiling triumphantly, the snitch. Then grumbled further as she realized she had the wrong backpack in front of her. Jenny's name was written on the front in puff paint and bedazzled with fake gems; a few ribbons had been glued on for emphasis. Of what, Elissa wasn't sure. Amala meanwhile squinted in annoyance are her own backpack which appeared to have a Turian umbrella shoved in the top. As they began to slowly look for the original owners Elissa overheard one last comment from the power couple.

"Did you really have to pick a fight with the big dumb jelly fish?"

"Yes. He doubted my scientific rigor Shepard, as you say, it was fighting words."

"Nerd."

"Look, I don't mean to denigrate you by implying you lack the experience and intelligence for this argument."

"I thought this was a debate? And Denigrate, really?"

"I may have bent the truth to fit my needs Jane, and denigrate means to belittle."

Elissa grabbed Amala's arm with bruising force, her head whipping around so fast that her ponytail smacked her right in the eye.

"I know what denigrate means! …now that you told me."

Her own green eyes pleaded with her best friend. Did you hear this? Did you hear _THIS_? AH! T'Soni and Shepard finally got far enough away that Elissa couldn't listen in; not that she didn't strain in an attempt. Locking her eyes back onto Amala's she finally noticed the smug look and immediately dropped her hand. Schooling her own features, Elissa returned to looking out for good ol' Red Jenny and hustled away to find her. Not running from anything. Nothing happened, shut up. Besides, if Amala was going to be mean she could learn about them being together from someone else!


	11. Chapter 11: And Suddenly The End

Elissa skidded into the back of Tavo, tossing both of them to the floor before springing up and grabbing Amala by the shoulders. Elissa couldn't stop grinning as she shook the asari back and forth.

"I saw," Elissa sucked in some air, "them kiss!"

Amala's eyes grew wide before she shouted out, "Everyone, Elissa saw them kissing! It's definitive proof that Miranda and Jack are together!"

There was a general cheer from the students around them as Elissa's smile froze in place. What? …What? _**What?**_

"What?" Elissa was still heaving for air after her dead sprint and had front row seats to watching the hope and love die in her friend's eyes.

"You saw proof of Jaranda?" Amala said it in a way that was obviously not hopeful, more like a parent who was watching their child fail at the spelling bee and insisting to the other parents around them that their child is smart. She can dress herself in the morning and knows how to prepare cereal. I swear I'm proud.

"Jaranda? What is Jaranda? No, I don't want to know, I saw T'Soni and Shepard kiss." Elissa tried to keep up the happy excitement she'd felt after seeing them, although the effort was on par with staying excited after solving part one of a ten part math problem.

"Oh, Goddess Elissa, you are such a rock—how embarrassing!" Amala shook her head sadly. "False alarm everyone, my bad."

Elissa felt like the smile on her face had now just made itself at home. It was like a cousin or uncle that swung by your house to pick something up but now it was four hours later and they're still on the couch watching football and asking if you have beer. Their shoes are kicked off in some random location, and you're afraid to use your own restroom. The permanent furrow in her brow was a distinct different set up. That was just some gash someone put across her face. Elissa wondered if this is what her mom meant when she'd said her face could freeze this way. Yes that's my daughter, no don't ask, I warned her.

Amala didn't care that Shiara was totally a thing, and what was up with Jaranda, what?

"Look, sweetie, my best friend, my favorite human, my pet rock," Amala patted her on the head condescendingly before leaning heavily on her shoulder. "We all know that Liara and Shepard are a couple. Shiara is so last year and at this point it's not about shipping them. They are in a loving relationship, so you are just supporting that. Admittedly, in the creepiest way you can. The new thing is Jaranda."

Elissa coughed and made a few unhelpful hand gestures. "But, but isn't their love a ship that never sinks or something?" She could feel the sweat building up on her forehead and lower back, her throat was oddly tight. This was the thing. This was everyone's thing, and Elissa had finally been on the cutting edge of it and apparently discovered that the 'ship that never sinks' had long departed.

"Again, real relationship, so that is both sweet and creepy of you." Amala rolled her eyes and inspected her newly painted nails.

"But you think Ms. Lawson; the icy rule stickler is in love with Jack, the angry janitor?"

"Wow, that's rude of you? Jack just got hired on and will be teaching biology now that Dr. Solus retired."

"Ok, so the stuffed shirt administrator is hooking up with the hot headed biology teacher? I don't buy that. I mean, have you seen them interact, have you spent two seconds watching how much they loath one another?"

"They love to loath each other, it's totally an act." Amala declared turning her gaze to the aforementioned not couple, who were currently walking down the hall snapping at one another looking a hair away from devolving into a biotic fight. Amala's eyes flutter in happiness. "They are so in love."

Elissa looked at her love sick friend and then back at the pair who were now tersely exchanging papers and arguing about something else. "No, T'Soni and Shepard are in love, these two are in hate. Look at them!"

Jack roughly yanked something out of Ms. Lawson's hand, and Ms. Lawson's perfectly sculpted eyebrows shot to her hair line. A look that usually would kill the recipient, this time around only causing the tattooed woman to snarl back.

"They are so married." Kielrok said with a definitive tone to it.

"They are so married, so hard." Tavo agreed while he wrapped his arms around the Krogan.

Amala folder her hands together, propped her chin on them, and sighed. "So sweet."

Elissa frowned and tried to not gag or fake retch too much. Not a couple, no way, no how!

A/N: Thank you everyone for sticking this out with me, was meant to be a one shot and somehow got out of control. I blame Kellise whose review made me laugh hard enough to write a second chapter. I also blame RheasHelm whose genuine interest in my head cannons and this story convinced me to keep writing. Thank you NaraTemariS2 for all your kind words and I hope that your Dragon Age high school shipping fic goes one wonderfully as well. To all my reviewers, thank you for taking the extra time to drop me a note! I hadn't written in over a year and had fallen out of writing fanfiction basically all together, what a wonderful way to fall back into it. Thank you again folks for your help and suggestions, and notice of my spelling and grammatical mess ups.

I started to feel like this story was dragging along harder than Elissa to physics and decided to end the story (such as it was) before it completely dissolved and everyone felt a little bit of embarrassment over its sudden decline. That being said, I have half written chapters, free writes, warms ups, etc from this that I am considering posting to this story as "Post Story" chapters that don't really effect or interact much with the story line. These tend to focus more on the OCs than Shiara so I am wondering if anyone is interested in me posting those or if folks would rather I not. Let me know via review or PM and I'll figure something out.

Finally, if you really haven't gotten your fill of this, I am irregularly updating another story called "Students Ship Us" that is from Liara and Shepard's side of things. It's a different feel to it (imo) but it does fall into this AU, so feel free to check it out if you are still rocking your Shoni pins and cheering for the Ragin' Rachni.

Thanks again, I hope to see you wonderful folks further down the line!


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